.........Officially the worst blogger ever. Looking backwards, was only 2 months since the last two. Presuming I just quit writing.
Why is that? That question, followed by a few others led to the inspiration for the next few paragraphs you have subjected yourself to.
When I was a little girl, I was blessed to be raised in a family that was solid. We may not have been prime family of my hometown. But I woke up each morning, and feel asleep each night certain of it. I knew my dad and my mom would be there in the morning, knew my brothers would too. Never had to worry about a roof over my head or support on the things I wanted to do. My parents about killed themselves carrying us from one practice to another. I developed a love for so many things.
One of which was writing. Man, I loved to sit in an empty room with a piece of paper and pen. Just sit there. Open my mind and see what I could create on a blank piece of paper. I never knew if it would be a poem, lyrics, or just spouting my mind onto the canvas in-front of me.
Music--any of you who know me, know I am passionate about this. There have been many times in my life were music has been my outlet to pull me through. Also, those in which it led me astray. Nothing beat my passion for music.
Until, I started writing it! Two of my favorite things in one! Brillant. I LOVED to write. To escape into a world where there was no day, no night. Sometimes forgetting to eat until my stomach reminded me. A time when nothing mattered accept melody, harmony, and lyrics. Hours of Brillance.
All of this leads me to my point for this little blog, I MISS ME!
Now, I am all grown up. Hit the big 30 this year. I am very blessed. There have been struggles, however, life is falling into place. I have an amazing job, great family, positive, God fearing friends. It is a life most would dream of. Most days, this life is all I ever dreamed it would be, and this blog is in no way a complaint or woe is me.....I just miss me.
Who am I? ---I am wife, mom, boss, house keeper, referee, sheriff, listener, advice giver. All of these are good things. But where is me?
I miss me. I miss the passion behind my writing. I miss getting lost in hours with no time. I miss taking a blank piece of paper and making it something. I miss sharing a meal with someone over intelligent conversation, with no boundary of time or thoughts.
I miss when I was fun. The life of the party. I remember the days when my husband called me the total package. I'm certain now this is no longer his opinion. The stress of a job, family and home have really gotten to me. I can not enjoy time with the kids, for fear of the mess they are making. I can not enjoy time with my husband, because I am too worried about how we no longer date like we used to. I can not enjoy time at my home, because of the things that are just waiting to be done.
There is no lesson or wisdom to be found here. That is about all I have. But maybe someone will read this and know that tonight, as they sit in their home, and the rest of the world looks in seeing the life she works so hard to put together, know she is not alone in feeling like maybe the glue is just loosening it's grasp.
Keep Praying,
--Much Love
Ashleigh Mc
