Merry Christmas to All and to All a Good Night

Merry Christmas to All and To All A Good Night!

     In a little over an hour, it will officially be Christmas. What an amazing time of year. Christmas has been good to me every since I could remember, and maybe because of that, it is my absolute favorite time of year. From the beginning of November, I begin thinking about how I want to decorate the house. Tonight as sitting in my bed, my heart is full.
     What a great year it has been. This blog's beginning came with such a change in the lives of my children and myself, the lives of my husband and his daughter. It has been a year full of joy, fear, pain,  but above all else, a year of blessing.
     The first change in my life, was my relationship with my Creator. Little over a year ago, I began a walk with my Lord and Savior, provider and Judge. This caused me to evaluate many things in my life. Some of the temptations of life which held so important to me merely vanished. Taken from me and replaced with the Holy Spirit. Others of them, I still struggle with daily. But the full knowledge of knowing I am Finally doing what God put me on this earth to do, striving to be the example I am commanded to be, reveals to me a peace I have never known.
     Aside from that, I married my soul mate. My divorce was one of the most intense struggles I have ever experienced, and it continues to be. There were many reasons my first marriage failed. Faults assigned to both sides. During the year of 2012, there were so many things happening in my life. I questioned God alot. I could not see how this could turn out well. Well this struggle isn't over. I am still in the midst of court battles and things like that. But in the process, I met the man, God had planned for me to marry. There were things I had to learn. Most importantly, I had to learn God had to be at the head of my marriage. Corey and I strive every moment to make sure he remains there. Life happens. I would love to paint the picture of a perfect marriage. But we all know that is not reality. All marriages have strengths and weaknesses, but I testify that there is no support equal to that of a spouse. No matter how we may see things, or how hard blending a family may be, Corey has never left my side, and I intend to never leave his. The joy of finding Corey can not truly be spoken.
   There have been so many blessings in this year. God first, Family next, a job I love, a boss who is amazing, and friends who lift me up. I can not wait too see what our future holds.
    This is the last post for this blog. Beginning in 2015, I will be taking the notion of a #LOVEREVOLUTION....
     This is nothing new, and we have all seen it before. Given the current state of the world we live in, I dare to argue we have NEVER needed it more. It's time to Love Irrationally. Radically. I intend to do so. To love all and encourage others to do the same. Stay Tuned, you will DEFINITELY be hearing from me on this issue!
LOVE GOD/LOVE PEOPLE>>>PERIOD!

See you in 2015- Ashleigh Mc
   
     

I Miss Me..

.........Officially the worst blogger ever. Looking backwards, was only 2 months since the last two. Presuming I just quit writing.
          Why is that? That question, followed by a few others led to the inspiration for the next few paragraphs you have subjected yourself to.

           When I was a little girl, I was blessed to be raised in a family that was solid. We may not have been prime family of my hometown. But I woke up each morning, and feel asleep each night certain of it. I knew my dad and my mom would be there in the morning, knew my brothers would too. Never had to worry about a roof over my head or support on the things I wanted to do. My parents about killed themselves carrying us from one practice to another. I developed a love for so many things.
          One of which was writing. Man, I loved to sit in an empty room with a piece of paper and pen. Just sit there. Open my mind and see what I could create on a blank piece of paper. I never knew if it would be a poem, lyrics, or just spouting my mind onto the canvas in-front of me.
           Music--any of you who know me, know I am passionate about this. There have been many times in my life were music has been my outlet to pull me through. Also, those in which it led me astray. Nothing beat my passion for music.
          Until, I started writing it! Two of my favorite things in one! Brillant. I LOVED to write. To escape into a world where there was no day, no night. Sometimes forgetting to eat until my stomach reminded me. A time when nothing mattered accept melody, harmony, and lyrics. Hours of Brillance.
          All of this leads me to my point for this little blog, I MISS ME!
Now, I am all grown up. Hit the big 30 this year. I am very blessed. There have been struggles, however, life is falling into place. I have an amazing job, great family, positive, God fearing friends. It is a life most would dream of. Most days, this life is all I ever dreamed it would be, and this blog is in no way a complaint or woe is me.....I just miss me.
          Who am I? ---I am wife, mom, boss, house keeper, referee, sheriff, listener, advice giver. All of these are good things. But where is me?
           I miss me. I miss the passion behind my writing. I miss getting lost in hours with no time. I miss taking a blank piece of paper and making it something. I miss sharing a meal with someone over intelligent conversation, with no boundary of time or thoughts.
           I miss when I was fun. The life of the party. I remember the days when my husband called me the total package. I'm certain now this is no longer his opinion. The stress of a job, family and home have really gotten to me. I can not enjoy time with the kids, for fear of the mess they are making. I can not enjoy time with my husband, because I am too worried about how we no longer date like we used to. I can not enjoy time at my home, because of the things that are just waiting to be done.
    There is no lesson or wisdom to be found here. That is about all I have. But maybe someone will read this and know that tonight, as they sit in their home, and the rest of the world looks in seeing the life she works so hard to put together, know she is not alone in feeling like maybe the glue is just loosening it's grasp.

Keep Praying,
--Much Love

Ashleigh Mc

Once upon a time

Written for those i know who often hurt in silence. 

Once upon a time, he vowed to never hurt her and never see her cry

So sure was he that be promised to take her by his side.

Tears now flow in darkness bc the light brings no valadation

Just more guilt to carry and emotions to question. 

Nothing is gained by the liquid on her cheeks, 

It Only Hurts His spirit--These Tears They Must Not Speak

For the only thing that hurts worse than the inadequacy he conjures

Is the awareness that she may breed it in the one standing before her

so again she dries these tears and looks above for strength. 

For tomorrow she must waken with the will to move on 

in hopes that her once upon a time is not truly gone.

Keep praying

-@mc

Praise Report

No Questions JUST Thanks

     Good Afternoon Bloggers, Social Media, Family, and Friends! I hope that each of you is having a great day living out the Life God has given you! It has been a minute since I have blogged, however today I can barely type fast enough!! 

     I have struggle often with prayer. Sometimes, I feel that I ask way more than I show gratitude when speaking to our Savior. For today, I want to focus on just Praising Him who created us, loved us, and gave His Son to die for our regrets, whether they be past or future. 

     This morning after getting up early, cooking breakfast, mild home chores, and getting all the kiddos ready for school, we left the house. Corey and Khlo off to West Madison, and the other three and myself to Monrovia Elementary! As the kids got out of the car, I kissed them all, told him to have a great day, Cole not to hit anyone, and let them out into the world. I had to wait there for a moment to allow the car infront of me to finish their unload. While I did, I hear this sweet little "Bye Mom-I love you, Bye Mom!" I look right and my son, so grown and big is walking into the gym himself. In front of his sisters, he walks with excitement and all the while repeating this sentence and waving. My heart was FULL! The girls behind him a little more anxious. They had a good day yesterday, but admittedly a little older and that makes it harder. I then went off to the Doctor, and even found gratitude that my Co-Pay went down. Off to Khlo's school because she forgot her glasses, and finally headed to work. I will spend the next couple hours catching up on some work I have left over for the week. Then return to pick up kids, talk about days, cook dinner, and rest into bed all sleeping sound upstairs with the love of my life beside me! 

Gratitude has hit me like a TON of Bricks!!

    Today--- I will not ask for ANYTHING! Just PRAISE my God for allowing my life to be where it is today! 

Giving thanks for a Creator who loved me before I entered this world, and Placed me into it with a plan for His will. Who came out of Heaven in the Form of a Man to DIE for the mistakes I have made and will in the future, to make a way for the children I did not know I would have to live with us eternally when I am called home. 

Giving thanks for an amazing husband who provides beyond requirement, enthusiastically. Who carries his load in our home. Loves me irrationally, and stands beside me with pride.

 Giving thanks for my 4 amazing children, those whom I brought into this world, and my Bonus child!

 Giving thanks for Khloieys mother for raising her and being so great with Corey and myself in the efforts to ensure Khlo has a safe, healthly upbringing. For her concern for my childen, and acceptance of them as Khloiey's step children.

 Thanks for parents and a family who will stand by and support me no matter the mistakes I have made, or if they are in agreeance with my decisions and the discernment to know the difference. 

Thanks for the ROCK who is my father. The patience he exudes with myself and my siblings. The love he shows to my children. The wisdom he lives. 

Thanks for the CONSTANTANCE of my mother, who gives WILLINGLY of herself for myself and my children. 

Giving thanks for the Roof that is over my head, the vehicle that transports my children.

Thanks for small co-pays. HAHA  (it's the little things)

After I look back and re-read over this list. There is SO much to add, but for sake of time, I will not. I can't help but ask myself, "How amazing would my life be, if I lived EVERY day this Thankful!?" Not just an unspoken gratitude that is assumed, but a very LITERAL and IRRATIONAL gratitude. To be alive, and breathing, and walking in God's Purpose for my life! 

Automatically there comes a sense of endurance, peace, happiness I have NEVER experienced before! 

Today I Urge you, Find the Irrational Gratitude inside of you. Tell those you are thankful for, thank you! And Praise God Almighty, who makes it ALL possible! 

MUCH LOVE

Ashleigh MC!

SILENT STORMS

SILENT STORMS

    Well....I did not expect to blog again so soon. It is easy for these things to become monotonous. That is not my intention, therefore I try to not blog to often. But in the past few days I have really felt a brokenness in my heart, and writing is sort-of my therapy, so here it goes! 

    

    Today, I hurt for those who do not hurt publicly. I am privileged to know some strong people in my life. Looking from the outside, you would never know the trouble in their heart. Work is well, children are happy, smiles at church, but behind their walls something is missing, or even tormenting them. They are often the very people who try to share happiness with the world. Recently, I've learned those people hurt to. And I think we slight them quite often, by not asking. 

    I do not mean we should inquire as to what is wrong with everyone. However, not to take for granted just because the show is smiles, the soul is also. Life affects us all. Spouses fight, children stress, work weakens. 

    I suggest by investing in someone to listen to them. You just may be the ear they need to release whatever is holding them back. 

    The trouble with those of strength is they do not reveal often. They are not able to take the advice they so often give. Aware of the need to change their outlook, and consciously change their attitude only creating anger and guilt for not being able to do so.   They will hurt internally until pieces of them die. All of the sudden, those who once seemed so strong, look tired. These people need encouragement too. 

   I truly feel the worst thing you can do is dismiss someone's problems. Whether by denying them, or justifying why they are that way. Reality is that does NOT work. Whether you feel they are justified or not, people's feelings are real. Is it so hard for us to just empathize with someone we love and provide their needs? 

   --Off Soap Box--

I URGE YOU TO ENCOURAGE SOMEONE TODAY! 

MUCH LOVE,

ASHLEIGH MC!

Forgiveness

Forgiveness

     What does it really mean? Do people honestly forgive? I always heard Forgive and Forget. What exactly does that mean? Can you forgive someone truthfully without forgetting? Am I suppose to literally forget the even never happened? Is harboring a grudge a sin? What does God say about this? Is forgiveness a noun or verb? I have struggled with this for years. I defiantly do not think I have it figured out, however I do think I have a better understanding after the past few days of studying this than I ever did before. I always debate what to blog or if to blog, however seems as though today, God has sent me a GREEN light on this one. 

    By definition (Webster via Google because who actually LOOKS in a dictionary anymore) 

Forgiveness: Noun- The action or process of forgiving or being forgiven. WELL- That is not much help, so onward we dig...

Forgive: Verb- Stop feeling angry or resentful for flaw or mistake. 

NOW WE ARE GETTING SOMEWHERE!!!

   Seems pretty simple. We just have to stop feeling? Shouldn't be too hard. However, via FBI statistics as of June 2014, Murder rates have increased higher than most developed countries. It is hard for me not to believe that many of these are due to the inability to forgive. This is a real problem. The answer to this is the answer to PEACE. I want it to be clear, that I believe "feelings" are intentional. As stated in the above definition, to stop FEELING is a verb. This means, it requires an action. Don't get me wrong, there are events which happen in our lives that require emotional response obviously. But I want to set the groundwork, that I truly believe we are in control of our feelings, therefore we have the foundation to accept accountability ourselves and subsequently take action. Hopefully impacting our environment and surroundings for good. 

    I often find that I think I have forgiven, and dealt with opposition, only to realize, I am still holding on. The words of one of my pastors comes to mind, who said "You've got to deal with your STUFF, you may have thought you did, but you got to really DEAL with it. LET it go COMPLETELY!!" (This pretty much sums up the whole blog, so don't feel  you have to continue reading, haha, but If you'd like go ahead).... 

FORGIVE AND FORGET

    Our great Savior makes it pretty clear. We are commanded to Forgive those who oppress us (Mark 11:26). If do not forgive the mistakes of others, we can not expect ours to be forgiven. I know this is hard. I struggle with this daily. But I am too stubborn to give up my home in Heaven, because I held on to the anger I allowed into my heart for someone who didn't care enough about me to not hurt me. Secondly to that- the Lord sets an example for us in Hebrews 10:16f when it is written "Their sins and their iniquities will I remember no more." The biggest shoes  we will forever and with no fulfillment reach for, are those of our Creator. But in striving to be closer to Him daily, I think we must not only forgive, but forget. 

   I do not think this means we literally do not remember, because often these moments in our lives are impactful. But YOU GOT TO LET IT GO! Don't bring it up again. Once it is dealt with, let it die. In moments of anger or disappointment moving forward, fight the temptation to pull it out of the arsenal as ammunition. If you find yourself in a relationship with someone who can not let it go, who continues to blame his or her actions on it, or bases how they treat you on it--it may be time to..walk away.

WHEN TO WALK AWAY 

So, am I to convict myself I have to just continue to allow people to walk on and hurt me? Do I have to take abuse whether it be physical, mental, or spiritual? What if I did do wrong? What if someone is hurting me because of a mistake I have made initially? 

    We are all entitled to mistakes. It is what makes us HUMAN! However, we are commanded to make them right. I truly feel if you have done everything in your power to make it right, and maybe those you've hurt can not forgive, or even just not yet, WALK AWAY. If you feel you can not longer continue a relationship with that person, turn around and move on. It will only hold you down and affect those whom are around you. Staying in an unhealthy situation will infect you.  

    Disclaimer: I do not feel RUNNING is the answer. I feel strongly that although that seems as the easy way out--It's NOT! This was always my go to, my safe place previously. It never is the right answer. You end up alone, and nothing is complete. 

I conclude with this: 

Romans 12:17f--Render to no man evil for evil. Take thought for things honorable in the sight of all men. If it be possible, as much as in you lieth, be at peace with all men. Avenge not yourselves, beloved, but give place unto the wrath of God: for it is written, "Vengeance belongeth unto me; I will recompense, saith the Lord. But if thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink: for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire upon his head. Be not Overcome of evil, but overcome evil with GOOD! 

SO- Good LUCK! Keep praying, Keep Loving! 

    

The Past

Hey Hey!

 Just sitting in my room.

 TV is on something, but couldn't tell you what. 

All the Kids are sleeping. 

Corey is at Praise and Worship rehearsal! 

DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS>>

This means that I AM ALONE!! This does not happen often. So, what should I do? My brain can't help but think. The past few months there has been so much change in my life. All of it for the better. I have never been so happy as I am now. But with all growth comes some struggle. Unfortunately, I have been forced to open doors of my past and expunge the lies that was created from it. This process has been a blessing in that it shows me just how far I have come. However, my A.D.H.D. brain will not stop there. I have gone on to ponder on this place of existence, the Past! 

Most of these thoughts have only brought questions. It is so abnormal to look back on your life and really feel as though you have lived two. What part of what is behind you do you bring forward? Where do you draw the line between lessons learned and being a slave to your mistakes? 

I have found peace that I have been forgiven for my Sins. The past is no more in the eyes of my God. However, humanity isn't always as kind. Few people believe in true maturation and change. I used to be the person. I was very judgmental of people who professed to had changed. How must we respond to these people? As a follower of God, who strives only to serve Him, how are we to respond to those who only for reason of our past, judge the change within us? 

And-there are others' past. The past of those whom have entered into our lives. In the midst of all the blessing they may bring, how do you handle the lives they have lived? I do not mean one of sin, or their ability to move on. I genuinely am searching for the ability to not compare myself, or lives to the remnants of another. 

Conclusion: Choose Wisely who  you share intimate moments with. And I do not just mean sexual ones. I mean life events. Things that can never be replaced. I can only conclude the BEST way to deal with the past is contemplate your future. One of the biggest realizations I have come to recently is how important the decisions I made either for an escape or just being stubborn, were. 

Make memories with those you love and those who love you. Invest in those who will invest in you. Realize there are SEASONS in your life. Very few people you come into contact with will remain with you forever. Appreciate the ones who do, and learn from the ones who don't. 

Above all, Lean on YOUR creator! Search his word. Accept Him as your Savior, and Take everything to Him. He will always be with you. He will never hold something you did two years ago against you. He will guide your life in the way HE has planned for you. And it will be BETTER than anything you have Ever known. My wish for you is all these. That you also may find yourself alone, reveling in the blessings He has given you. 

And with that MY HUBBY is HOME :) 

Good Night :)